Who’s me?
In hours of solitude
I fell like searching my soul
For something
Which till now
Has not any clear figure
Any clear meaning
I fell as though left alone
Blindfolded and helpless
To find out a light in
The pitch of darkness
I feel I am near it
But I realize after that
I was there
From where I started
It is an unknown feeling
Unclear message
That haunts me day in and out
I fell I could leave it
All that as my brothers do
And enjoy my position in the darkness
Alas! I could do none of these
Because I possessed a haunted soul
An unsatiated being
Which wants to know itself
Which wants to know
Its origin and
Destination
That’s why unlike my brethren
I constantly try my errands
In the darkness
In the hope of finding
What is near to me
What is dear to me
What is infact my whole being
The urge to know what for
I am here
What’s expected of my being?
What’s the reason?
After all for all this show
That blinds people
Even towards the fact that
They are the creation of someone
Who only knows
The aim
The goal
The meaning
Of the existence of a being called Man
That’s why I pray
That I have the determination
The inner strength
That could sustain me
In this unending
Unclear
And still unproductive
SEARCH!
*******
MY FRIENDHello! Said one
I took him my friend
How are you? Said one
I took him my friend
I am your friend, said one
I took him my friend
Surrounded by them and
Playing with them
I thought they feel me
They like me
I found my abode amidst them
I found my peace in their words
I got solace in their company
I thought I was reigning
With them to back me
Time turned away the light
Each one quit me
One said, I would meet you
One said, I have work to do
One said, you are my foe
One said, you are a fool
Each one quit to unknown places
Each one in search of unknown wealth and glory
I was there where I was
The only change was that
I was one and they many
I thought I would fight them
I thought I would start again
But dispirited and disinterested
I walked down the way
Away from them
Away from glory
Away from wealth
To places unknown
Towards people unknown
In search of one, who would stand by me
And say I am your friend
In day or night
In fame or might
In hell or heaven
I am your friend!
*********
THE EXAMSLazy after day
We went to our homes
To fill with garbage, all we can
Jolted by the nightmare of exam fun fare
We planned our attack
With pens and books at front
Backed by the might of the mind
Running hither for notes
And thither for books
Thus spent the half of our chance
Bringing them together
Was a task indeed!
With a caution and eye
So rare to need.
Sitting at a place
To review the pace
We found a gloomy pic
With not a single flick
Calling back the good old days
And the sagas that they told
We the heavy heart consoled
We started with one chant
Do it, and God will slant
Just a few trickles of days
Were to be seen before the Day
One after the other the topics rolled by
One after the other the subjects rolled by
Dumping in head all they had
With the only speed they knew they had
At last the day that lured
Was there at the door front
Beckoning on us for action
We jumped out with a mind filled and tired
With heart full of gloom and mirth
Gloomy that the end will be bad
Mirth that we are ready ; at least.
Plunging into the paper
We found many an answer
One after the other, the pages rolled by
We heaved a sigh
Aha! We are free
The end of the ordeal so old
Sitting in a seat beside a friend
We mused on how different is the end
When we complete the onslaught and rest
With a winning grin
That’s how we feel about the whole thing
A feigned terrorist at its worst
When we are low
And a noble beast at its best
When we stand upright
That’s it
That’s it
The exams we get!
**********
Values of the living value of the deadIt all happened in a moment
The hand lost the grip of the bar
The body touched the ground after
The moving train pulled it in
And cut it to pieces under its wheels
Life ran off to whence it came
The lovely face
The heavenly body
Were left as if wood were there
She might have been a sister to one
A mother may be of one or two
A wife who loved and who was loved
An official who carried out without fuss
But now you see
You can’t make out any
None knows what she is now
What my come off of her being
For we are human and fallible
The sight was ghastly
So all took note
The train was stopped
People gathered
Strings were pulled
And action started
Stretcher came in
Body was loaded
And taken over to
Make way for living
Each one was delighted to have something to say
The dull routine was broken now
The latecomers were seen everywhere
With the looks that smack of concern
With the same question
What happened, tell me in detail!
It was a scene worth watching for all
We had dozens of commentators around
One you could find in your own midst
The story was repeated
Related in detail
Eye witnesses they were
All of them were there
When it all happened to liven up the life of the crowd
One was with us
The eyewitness he claimed
The woman came running from the wrong side
The women try to copy the men
How frail they are
Why should they do so?
Putting a question and answering himself
He went on with his tale of authority
The train had started filling in all she could
He too was there but on the platform only
She tried to be smart
Ah! I knew it at once
She wanted to beat all
To show off to others
Women now a days don’t bother at all
Carrying something in each of their arms
They run and catch or
Catch a running train
We men help each other by pulling him in
But women they were
Wouldn’t care for latecomers
They forget of others once they manage to be in
Thus she tried to catch the running train
Coming back to the tale he would relate
Caught hold of the bar and tried to hold on
As it was the case ,
The hand slipped
A man was there to hold the hand
But he let it go
For you cannot die with the dead
Yes they nod their heads in unison
And give out a sigh
That sounds python
Then they turn back
Go to their groups
And are rewarded by a request to reveal
With a frown and a heavy look
That makes your bowels turn inside
They repeat the performance to a new audience
That’s how it is
The values of the living
The value of the dead
Or the value of life and…….death!
********************
Home comingOnes twos and threes
And in the formations of twenties
From rocks, plains and drains
Fluttering slowly towards one place
Converging on it in herds
Came the birds
From east and west
White and black
Small and big
Grouping with kith and kin
Grouping their kind akin
Roamed around the big palace
So green and with so many abodes
Flying high keeping pace
Dowm came the birds to stage
The feigned landing
On leaves and branches
Sweeping over the leaves
Flew off to dot the sky
One and all
Forming a blanket
Making it all a bird’s thicket
Touching with care their forlorn abodes
Standing alone like the big ben
Quiet and solemn
Was it inviting them back home
With a pledge to house them tonight
Clothe them with greens and fleshy leaves
Breath in the warmth of its heart
And cover itself with love and gratitude
Each one sighed
Each one prayed
Calmly seated on the top of the host
Remembering with audible relish
The places they visited
The people they saw
The water they drank
And the food they ate
And thanking Him for their safe return
Planned some new plains
They wanted to visit
New places they wanted to see
For morn would mean
An unending search for them.
********************
CITY AT NIGHTWide and deserted roads lined the city
Running like veins at night
Lighting them stand the lonely apostles
Here and there
Bright and dull
Some throwing hope
Others playing hide and seek
Late home comers in ones and twos
Merchants, petty dealers in groups and groups
Beggars___ children with sticks to guide
Pass on
One behind the other
Catering to these still hoping to serve
Open shops buddies and petty shops
Punctuate the sleepy market streets
Hid behind the closed doors
And drawn curtains
Some of them squatting at centers
Out bidding each other
To woo the late customer
Some shops of flowers
Of pan and sweets
Still fare lively with business and gossip
Here a group of young workers
There a group of old dealers
Laugh their hearts away
Over a private joke
Each one holding the other
Standing around the unseen mike
Talk loudly and laugh so too
Competitors of the day
The pals of the night
True to traditions of poverty and greed
The bigger lanes and roads
Are bordered by sleeping odds
Half naked and half clothed
Responding to the cold by changing poses
The hungry brethren of the greedy rich
Tick, tick, tick
Tapping with a stick
Surveying the protectorate
With an invisible relish
Patrol the police
The heart of the culture
Money and goods stocked in shelves
Exceptions few
Rest of them lay half dead in their beds
Darkness rules and hope prevails
Bringing to life the riddle of life.! *
********************
Milk setWe have a colleague by name Jagan
Nath [an]of course was added to it,
True to his name, he acted though late
Went into the market valued one
And brought home a wife
- The one solution to all his woes
We all celebrated and sent him home
Though she could exercise well
She turned out a novice in cooking
One problem was to set curds
Experimenting with all bhaiyas
The govt included
He could not find a good combination
They all spoiled and they threw the milk away
Frustrated and worried he approached us
We were two an engineer and myself
Compete we did to gain the franchise
To teach her
Failing it
We turned to teaching him
All other officers got into the fray
One warned of steel vessels
The other of govt milk
Yet another listed
Twenty conditions and warranties
They confused him
Made him go awry
Caught in an awkward position
He turned back to us
Assuring him to bring back confidence
We set out to show him how to set curds
I won the contract as my room was next door
And I had mastered the art
Engineer was handicapped by his gay life
Down to earth I was
I told him to boil the milk
Put it down to cool
Add some curd later
Warning that
When it must be lukewarm
He nodded in acquiescence
Doubt showing in his eyes
I gave him permission to use any vessel
This made my method unbelievable
How can he go against the preaching of others
I had to prove a point
As competitor was watching
I decided to plunge in full blast
I invited jagan home for practical
I took him home and showed him the curds
In a steel vessel
He was happy
And went back to his wife
To teach her this
Engineer doubted my title to the curds
So, I showed him the dairy next door
He smiled understandingly
Cannot help it , you know—I said.
********************
The British were betterThe British were better
Fifty years after independence
I fell that the British were better
They came from afar
They stayed afar though amidst
With different tastes and different styles
They used divide and rule
With a clear idea of whom to divide
They were white, so
We could know and guard us by throwing them out
Now the system… a left over
With divisions galore
The managers, the workers
The press, the public
The powerful, the politician
The cunning and the corrupt
Colours are the same
Though the blacker we are
We will not sit with some
For they sit one rung below
We will not befriend them
For they do the menial
We will not think of them
For the top one too will not
Let the people die
Let their hearts be pierced
We look up to power
We bow down to lick
To please and to lie
To be the servant, the pet or the carpet
For we need to grow
To more power and money
We, the indistinguishable
We, the unsurpassable
We, the unfathomable
Break the ranks of our brethren
Refuse their rights
And curb their growth
Kill their initiative
And the heart that feels
Make it a must to kill the lower
To grow up and
To be helped again
The British, therefore, I say were better
If they wanted they could throw you out
But they were bold enough to do it on their own
We host parties to opponents
Only to kick them out in the name of the higher up
We abuse the weak
By quoting the higher up
We misuse our power, by invoking the higher up
We give speeches and sugar
Only to those who toe the line
The rest of course, await their fate
The British were better
For they said what they would do
They improved forgetting the person benefiting
They educated,
Not thinking to whom they did so
We fare better
Far, far better
All our power, only to those who say yes
All our heart, only to those who are high
All our alms, only to those who stoop to lick
All that we do
Kills the basic God in all
All that we say
Hides the face of a mother in shame
All that we plan
Makes the demon blush again
Don’t you accept it my dear
The British were better
Gentlemanly and the honest
The cunning but purely so
For what we do
They would have committed suicide
We exploit our kin,
We help only with a plan
We bow, only to a benefit
We are blind to the truth
We think only the wicked and vilest
We plan only the death and downfall
Of those who trust us
Of those who work
So that we enjoy
Of those who share their live with us
For fools they are
We withdraw only to strike again
We, the people, the bosses and the bureaucrats
We, the politicians, all those with power in hand
And an eye on the pocket
Of the naïve and puppet
Are we a match to the British?
Nay
The British were better after all.
**********************
A new philosophyWho is a boss?
One who has a patron!
Somewhere high up
On, who knows how to break all up,
One who holds the sweetie pie to some,
And the stick with warning stuck
One who can manage to confuse
One who can excel in lies and back tracks
One who can kill his conscience to further his growth,
He will be the boss
The boss forever
For his bosses will like him
Forget it, if his growth is on the skeletons of the weak and trusty.
What is a man?Man is system
In each sphere, he has a group of his own
In each sphere, his actions are based on all new
An employee,
Now the ass,
The coolie,
Or the dog
A family man,
The target,
The helpless
Or the henpecked
A friend,
The wicked,
The deceitful
Or the treacher
A preacher,
The double mouthed,
The white n black
Or the hollow tube
A son,
The wise,
The selfish,
The koel
A leader,
The money wise,
The power wise,
The politics wise
A follower,
The boot licker,
The maid servant,
The whipping boy
An artist,
The confused,
The confounded,
Or the bedazzled and bewildered
A critic,
The useless,
The senseless,
And the picker of pebbles among the pearls
A littérateur,
The paid,
The puppet,
The mouth piece,
The rolling mill
A boss,
The cunning,
The brute
And the idiot
A lover,
The slog,
A nut,
The man of herd,
The debauch and the lusty.
What is love?The legalized name of lust
The one word to compete with void and zero
The one passport to a kill amongst the innocents
The one way to break a match
The one way to dupe a partner for life
The only way to give vent to your hatred for me
The only word that says ‘your are bored’
What about right and wrongThere is nothing permanent to note of these
The one in power is always right
The one who gives is always right
The one who kicks you around is right of course
The money giver
The wife swapper
The rumour monger
And the greatest chamcha
You know
Are always right
No what that may mean
The rest are wrong
Don’t you remember sir
They will include
The deserving and the poor
The honest and the pure
The loving and the giving
The straight and believing.
What is employment?The magic wand that lures all
The final trophy after the dreams and the distress
The contract of sale, lock stock and barrel
Your life is sold
You are sold
Your wife is sold
You can’t speak out now
You can’t act now
You are not authorized to think
You are not supposed to feel
You must stick to the rule
Forget it, if it was framed for something else
You have to bow down, even when I snatch your right
You have to lie down, let me ride on your back to progress
You have no entity as such
Except what we make out
For you from our rules
What is an ideal?
The much talked about word
One word which fills your heart, when you were a boy
One word which you used for gain when at college
One word which got you the job when at the interview
One word that means money once you are employed
One word that needs approval once you are employed
One word that calls for a hushed tone once the supervisor is around
One word that can be killed to mean what the boss pleases
One word that you preach to be known as great
One word that you quote to hide all your sins and failures
One word alas! That gives you license to publish your autobiography.
What is friendship?The way to kill your boredom
The way to increase your clients
The way to satisfy your bosses
The way to show off to your wives
The way to hide all your weaknesses
The way to multiply your savings in a short time
The way to gang up against the unsuspecting
The way to legitimize your lust for sin
The way to eulogize your drive for money
The way to accept the strength of your opponent
What is greatness?The certificate of bosses
The writing off from the normal
The pinnacle of seclusion
The prison of freedom and thought
The stamp fo loyalty and of dishonesty
The alms of those who matter in the world
The product of manipulations and payments galore
The headline of corrupt and pig headed pen and print bosses
What is truth?The objective and the provable
The one with the seal of statistics
The one uttered by ignorant majority
The one accepted by your authority
The one upheld by affluent minority
The one sought after by blind geniuses
The one branded as acceptable by the powerful
The one passed for print by those with a say
The one imprinted on you by repeating it a thousand times
The one that is presented with gloss and class on the silver screen
The one that passes off as the top class in a drunken room
The one stamp of failure
The one stamp of success
The one stamp that spells gallows to the mum
The one that you prove to all those
Who think you
Who like you
Who live you
Who are nothing but for you
The one that should have been as per the laws and rules
The one that was to exist as per the scriptures and mullahs.
*********************************
GOING HOME
VINGO WHINES
Out on parole
Where to?
To home may be
Home does it exist
Fourteen years of absence
Of forsaken duties and helplessness
She and the kids out on their own
Without help sympathy or succour
The wily crafty world
May be she was stung too often, too bad
May be kids bothered her non stop
May be she couldn’t take it for so long
A man may be, she’d accepted
May be she’s another’s pride
I bade her act
What she chose to do—who knows
Am I worth now?
Worth for the family
May be the years in the can
Have made a stranger of me
May be they’d shy away
Shy away from owning a con
A label too bad and bold
I am bound home
Where else to go I haven’t thought of
Could I build another life?
Could I make another beginning?
With so little to back up
Could I face the world?
The world without her and the kids
Could I—well who knows
Will she then wait for me?
Wait for such a long time
Wait for a useless me
Wait to hold me and own me
Wait to give me a chance
Only chance I ask for
Only chance I yearn for
Will the world allow her?
Will she be my love again – who knows
Can I make it to her?
Can I make it without her?
Will I live long without her?
Will the life be the same again?
Could I be of some use to them?
Some use in some way perhaps
Some use in their lives
What’ll the oak look like?
Barren after shedding all leaves
Like a post without lights to blaze
Look as lost as I am
Will it beckon me with yellow smile?
Will it call out, ringing in the valley?
Will it dance, dance the yellow jig
Will it cut a cold stare and order me out
Me, a number for so long
Will I get a chance to be ME AGAIN?
Will I, may be – who knows
I am near it
The long big Ben
Should I look at it?
Should I avoid it?
Well it’s time for a decision
I can’t believe it
Is it the oak, or a yellow tree?
Kerchiefs galore fluttering mad
She has accepted me
She loves me so long so pure
She hasn’t written me off
My love waits for me
I am lucky
I am a man
I can live now
Bye the big bad world
I am home again
I am!
I am!
******
On sankranthi
Red white dark and gray
Thousands and odd
Fly in the sky, tied to hand
Are led in the bizarre of ways
KITES, the kings of the sky
Over looking them all
The lilting waters
The sprouting lilacs
And the proudish people
Each goes up in a fit of rage
Cutting off the thread of the other
To release it off to the sky above
Or the waiting hands below
Armed with branches leaves or sticks
Eyes fixed on the freed sky birds
Unmindful of ditches or rocks
Running and hoping fighting and panting
Come the errand boys, one before a herd
Some reach the caressing hands of one
Others get lost in the tussle for ownership
Yet they fill with delightful colours
The dull and gloomy sky
The abode of HIM the creator and destroyer of all
Falling and rising
Losing and gaining
Riding on the breeze
Falling under the rage
They bear the brunt all alone
Calling on all to follow suit
Not to joy over the height
Nor to brood over the fate
But to go on showering joys
On one and all, the big and small
The hearty and stealthy
The bad and the worse
How true! How true!
They are echoed in the sky
The rise and fall
The birth and death
The caress of a heart
The brunt of a foot
That is so quick
And yet a …. MUST!
******************************
A JOURNEYCRP, CRP
Baramunda, Baramunda
My heart jumps
At the lyrical yells
Running half panting
Tired from office
They beckon me
Like long lost friends
Seats are offered
Assurances made
Bells jingle, engine whirrs
The human sea erupts from everywhere
People mumble
Cough and sneeze
Comment on the day’s news
Some chit chat
Others argue
A fight or two is ever handy
Yelling gets louder
Whistles harsher
Time and wait seem to linger longer
Get going you bum
Can’t you see?
We are in a hurry
With reluctance of lover leaving his beloved
Looking back and pausing ever so often
The pregnant bus leaves the stand
Bursting at the seems
A collective sigh
You bet you heard
A running maid
A helping hand
An old man
Waves it to a stop
You wonder at the courtesy and care
And of course the capacity
In gurgles
You are delivered
After an eternity
An end to a journey so sweet
And yet so long.
*******************************
THE HAATI see lights in the yonder
Life in the ghost village
Thrice a weekly visitation
Smells waft through the air
Groups move in unison
Empty bags aimed to fill
Cycle bells, ankle bells
Giggling belles, rustling dress
Walking nearer, a raising crescendo
Parked vehicles, helter skelter
Waiting rickshaws, eager labour
Lights galore, shops bright
Chari, chari rice mounds a kilo
Dui dui, pyajo dui
Begun begun, kilo teeni
Lined in rows and columns
On the ground, in dim light
Kerosene lanterns, fight the shadows
Women lead with men in tow
Lazy men with cycles in tow
Cows compete for a green or two
Enquiries pour in, deals struck
Weights weigh, bags fill
Packets empty, coins sound
Wares exhaust, dealers sigh
Procession begins, for you and I
A few argue, others reminiscence
Spread out hands, collect alms
Plans are made, and feet aim home..
